Friday, September 14, 2018

Earlier this year I published a piece on loving your body & the fact that it’s not always a thing. I talked a bit about my past eating disorder & how it’s affected me. Toxic relationships with food might be one of the hardest things to get out of, only because it’s ~always there~. 

When a relationship with someone or something has become unhealthy, you remove yourself from it, something you can’t do with food. We literally cannot live without food so you can’t just say ‘see ya!’ It's a bit crazy how nearly everything in life revolves around food. Dates-- both romantic & platonic, family gatherings, sports, weddings, even the post-funeral meal is a thing. It's literally impossible to escape. I’d love to say that I now have a 100% healthy relationship with my food everytime I scarf down a meal, but the reality is that I’m writing this particular but of this post jack in th box taco in my hand, comfort eating my way through parents’ health stress (update: everything’s okay) because THAT’S MY RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD.

You think it magically goes away when you recover & everything goes back the way it was before, but it can take years to get to that point. Most of the time I do have pretty good eating habits, but all it takes is one bad thought or stress situation to take you right back into the toxicity. 

Time, and letting yourself develop good habits, are the best things I've found to help get to a better place. The thought of cooking used to be v overwhelming, & it still is at times, but once you get in there & be your own chrissy teigan, it can be healing. Food doesn't have to be a scary thing, nor should it be. 

I'm starting to believe it's an unrealistic exception to never have a negative day when it comes to food, because we are good old humans who don't always have good days, & it's not a bad thing. As they say, it's all in the balance.


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